Because of this dearth in public transportation, getting from point "A" to point "B" in a reasonable amount of time usually requires finding a mode of transportation that you control. And if point "B" is further than a mile (or, in the case of "L.A. Story," half a block), most Americans have decided that the modern SUV is the proper mode of choice.

Needless to say, I exagerate somewhat. But, as a suburbanite, unless I want to take the (infrequent) train from work to Chicago or the (nonexistant) train from home to Chicago, I'm pretty much SOL as far as getting somewhere further than a couple of miles away without a car (we'll talk about my 40 mile bike-rides later).

So this page is dedicated to my rants about the average driver. If I had to sum up all the rants on this page into one sentence, the sentence would read:

All of the following peeves stem from a single meta-law:

Apparently, it is. But take heart that there are other professional drivers out there who feel the same way.

Here are my top nine (ooo... couldn't come up with ten) peeves with unprofessional drivers:

• Relinquish the left lane when you are done passing.
  Why is this so hard? The left lane is for passing and, when you're through, you should pull over to the next lane to the right to let the idiot doing 90 pass you. Out of all the rules of the road that people disobey (yes, it is a law, actually), this is the most dangerous. It causes people to swerve right and perform all sorts of childish stunts to pass the left-lane-camper. If people would simply relinquish the left lane and remain secure in their knowledge that the speedy person passing them will eventually get (another) speeding ticket, I think there'd be a bit less road rage out there.

  A site specifically for this.

• Maintain a speed.
  I don't care if you pass me. What I do care about is if you pass me and then slow down. I have heard that this is also one of the bigger peeves of truckers. Guys, this is why god invented cruise-control. Use it. That would solve the next problem...

• Don't hang out in another driver's blind spot
  So, you've passed someone, or someone is gaining on you in the left lane. After some time passes, you find you need to change lanes. But the idiot you thought had (been) passed changed speeds and stayed in your blind spot. I'll bet you that this causes lots of accidents.

• You have seen police officers before, get over it.
  EVERY time I pass a cop with someone pulled over, I wind up forced down to the legal limit or below even if I'm in the lane furthest from them because everyone has decided that now might be a good time to pretend they always drive the speed limit.

  I don't know if you've noticed, but he's already got someone pulled over. He's more interested in dealing with that person and not being hit while doing so. So quit oggling the officer and drive. Which leads me to....

• Yes, the accident looks nasty. Ask your passenger to describe it to you or wait for the news report.
  Why, oh why, do people rubberneck? Why, oh why, do people risk a rear-end collision by not paying attention to what they're supposed to be doing: driving. Which leads me to...

• If you can't talk and drive at the same time, PICK ONE.
  I am not a proponent of banning cell phones while driving. With an ear bud I find that talking on the phone is much like having the person there in the car with me. However, those people who cannot unplaster the cell-phone from their face to check their blind spot before changing lanes or who cannot be bothered to remember to keep up their speed while yammering on the phone need to decide which is more important---driving or talking---and pick one to stop doing.

• When the light turns red, wait the whole 60 seconds for the next cycle.
  Look, when the light turns green for you, you get to go. When it turns red, you get to let other people through. Act your age and wait when it's no longer your turn. On the flip side of that coin...

• When the light turns green, move into the intersection.
  This one I don't understand. When the light turns green, but there was no protected turn, some people don't advance into the intersection. The upshot is that they may wait many cycles before they see an opening to make a left turn.

  It's okay---move into the intersection and, when the light changes, you can complete your turn on that cycle. This way at least one person can make a left on each cycle.

• Use your turn signal.
  Ok, I know... it takes effort to move that little stick on your steering wheel. But the point is to let people know what you're about to do so they can respond appropriately. Sometimes they'll actually move out of your way.

Oh, and who's the sly sheisster who managed to get gallons of gas priced to the mille? And it's always the same!! Bite the bullet and charge the extra thousandth of a dollar. You fool noone.